Linkin Park has once again released a fantastic anthem for Transformers 3. Every time I hear it or the amazing song they released for Transformers 2 I think of Joshua L. Lyon and the awesome soundtrack he had planned for his "Out of the Ashes" movie. That's what it was called wasn't it?

Anyway, I have lots of thoughts tonight. None of which I can share via Twitter or Facebook Status. So I'm blogging. Isn't that what we all did before Facebook and Twitter? Oh wait, and before blogs people actually kept real life pen to paper journals. What a novel concept.

Sometimes I wish I could rewind 15 years and start all over again.
I've been told so many time -- "keep a journal." And I just never did. Now, I wish I had.

I live in fear ever day that my blog will be deleted before I can somehow save it all.

So those are just a few of my thoughts. I have so many more tonight.

First off, do we ever really stop caring about what other people think or us... or do we ever stop wanting to be in the "in" crowd??

I feel like my whole life I've been fighting to fit in with people who in the long run will probably never really accept me as one of "their own" anyway. I don't know why.

I have some amazing and true friends in my life. But it just seems like none of us are ever on the same page in our lives.

And back to what seems like the theme of my life... why do I constantly want the things I can't have?? Why can't I accept the fact that sometimes the people that you want in your life -- just don't want you in theirs the same way.

Speaking of, have I mentioned lately that I'm probably the loneliest I've ever been in my life?

Wow... I think that takes the cake for most pitiful blog quote ever.

I want someone to dance with.
I want someone to sing in the car with.
I want someone to watch movies on a Tuesday night with.
I want someone to burn dinner with.
I want someone to run with.
I want someone to argue with.
I want someone to talk about the future with.

Is that so wrong?

I love the life I lead. Except for nights like tonight.
When everything seems like it's ok.
When I act like everything is ok.
When everything should be ok.
But it's not.

But I guess that's the way it works.

You want what you can't have.
You want what you don't have.
And you think the things you don't have are the things that will one day make it all ok.

As my beautiful friend said the other night... "There are 3 things in your life that really matter. Family & Friends, Career and Relationships. All 3 of these things will rarely be going well at the same time. It's usually just 2 out of 3."

At least I have 2 out of 3.

"The sun will still rise tomorrow."

*TIFF*

- Joshua Radin

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying
I'm breathing in
Come find me

It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way

And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall

It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way

And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than
was better than

And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Can't get my mind off of you

And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

And I know it's easy to say
but it's harder to feel this way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIvU1ETg7H8&feature=related

It' not that I feel old... but I feel old.

How many times have I said that to myself??
I am only 25 years old. But I still feel sometimes that my best years have passed me by. I know that I can have fun any night of the week... but for some reason, I still feel like I'm living the life of an old woman.

Maybe it's because when I don't "go out" I feel "boring". But on nights like tonight... when I know I'm the only "single" one in the group I realize that being -quote- "single" isn't such a bad ting all the time.

I never really finished the entry before this one... In fact, I can't even remember exactly when I wrote it... but I've been thinking about it ever since.

The title "Facbeook Makes Me Feel Old" stems from the fact that almost EVERY one of my ex-boyfriends is either married or engaged. And the fact that I found out, via Facebook. WTF?!

I remember I started the entry... after I found out Nathan was engaged. Then... I discovered that Billy was engaged too. And it all just kinda hit me like a ton of bricks. Why haven't I found someone?

It's not that I wanted any of these guys to be "the one".... but at the same time... why did they find "the one" before I did... when they were the ones that screwed our relationships up in the first place.

Oh, and around the same time I also found out that Jeremy was engaged. Double WTF?!

So at this point the only unmarried X's left are Jared and Matthew. Matthew is living with his current girlfriend. And Jared.... Oh, Jared. That's to be left for another entry.

Let's see how long that takes for me to write.

xoxo

*TIFF*

Seriousy?

An entire year between blog entries?  That's so sad.
I was really sure I was going to keep up with this thing.  Guess that's what happens when you work 55+ hours a week for 6 months... then get promoted and actually have a life. :)

So a lot and not a lot has happened in the last year... all at the same time.

I went on a cruise with Stephanie.  Met a sweet boy from California named Colin (he was effectionately nicknamed California Sunshine - KC for short ;)) by my brother and his friends when he came to visit me in Tennessee.  I went to California to visit him in June (Check).  Saw the Hollywood sign (Check).  Saw the Walk of Fame (Check). And stepped foot in the Pacific Ocean (Check).  He came to see me once more later in the summer... and we don't really talk any more.  But he was a great friend and we have some pretty awesome memories. 

I worked my butt off on the overnight shift until July when I was promoted to a Full-Time, Salaried and Contracted position as the weekend evening producer (6 &10pm on Saturdays, 10pm on Sundays).  Deciding whether to take the position was a truly gruelling one.  Get off of overnights, but give up my weekends?  Well, let's just say it's been one of the best decisions of my life.  Sure it stinks to work every Saturday.  And have to use a vacation day just to go to a wedding.  But I get Monday - Wednesday off.  And I truly feel like I have a life now.  I feel like I can see people and have friends and go to dinner like a normal person.  And the best part?  I still get to go out on the weekends.  Sometimes I got out a little harder than I should when I have to be at work at 10am on Saturday morning.  But hey, you're only young once.

That's definitely been my motto this year.  "You're Only Young Once."

Though I feel like I'm getting older and older every day.  It feels like the months pass by so much faster now.  Is that what happens to everyone when they're in their 20s?