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I don't know what to do.

It's getting pretty bad... and I didn't expect it too.

This has happned to me before... but I've never wanted change this badly... but not want anything to change all at the same time.

I don't know what to do.

I need to make the responsible decision... to walk away from one or the other.

I have to decide what i want.... and what I don't want.

Stupid Red-Headed Step Child!!!!

*TIFF*

I can't really explain why I've felt so busy lately.  I haven't really been doing anything different.  I guess sometimes my crazy jacked up schedules just catches up with me every now and then.  Hopefully it'll pass.

This week I spent a couple days at home in Knoxville which was fun.  My new bed is pretty ballin' if I do say so myself. My parents did good!  Even though Gizmo is still as stealth as ever... and found a way into my room during the 5 minutes I left my door open and got cat hair EXACTLY where I lay.  Always.  We had a nice family dinner at Don Pablos.  That was good.  They're ranch dressing is good.  I need to start a list of all the restaurants that have good ranch dressing.  Cause I always forget and end up ordering 2 or 3 different dressings so I make sure I get what I want.  Of course that would make it seem like I like the other dressings sometimes... which I usually don't.  So my increase selection is actually pointless... cause I usually just end up using the gross ranch anyway.  Tangent Complete.  So the dinner was fun.  And sitting around was fun.  Oh, and my mom ordered me this awesome toilet paper holder.  I just got it in the mail the other day... and I haven't put it together yet.  Hopefully I'll do that in the next 293784 years.  It seems like it's gonna fit... but who knows.  It's still cool.

Then I went to Mufreesboro instead of going straight home... I did this so I could give Kristin some shoes for step show.  I ended up not even being able to meet up with her cause she was sick... and I had to sleep.  So besides seeing Matt for the hour or so I was awake... and the left over plate from the Barbers... being there and adding 30 minutes to my drive home and my drive to work... was pointless.  But I guess in essence those two things alone make it worth it.  So I take it back.

Then work was... work.  It's always work I guess... but for some reason the last couple days its really FELT like WORK.  HARD WORK.  Wednesday wasn't all that bad...  But I get frustrated when I'm not in the loop... and then I get verbally scolded for not being in the loop.  Well not scolded... but it's just in the tone of peopl'e voices.  If you're the one who knows what's going on... and you don't tell me what's going on.... how am I supposed to be able to tell someone ELSE what's going on?  My case is not rested... but that's all I really wanna say on that.

Then Thursday was just God-Awful.  There were only two of us (Me and Christy)... and then Jennifer (our traffic girl) was out... which means I had to booth a 3 hour show... juggling a late live shot... time cues... and deal with a metro comm person telling me what was going on in traffic... making the graphics for each hit (about every five minutes) AND script it for the anchors... all in enough time for ignite to get the imformation through it's technilogically but completely helpless computer brain!!!!!!!!!!!!  Needless to say... I was a zombie afterwards... and went home with the biggest migraine I have had in atleast 3 months. 

I got home... fell asleep... and HAD A MIGRAINE IN MY SLEEP.  That's right... I was consciencely aware of my headache in my slumber.  I was at a house with a bunch of loud people... and I wanted them to shut up so bad because of the painful pouding in my supposedly restful mind. ha!  Then I woke up and it was even worse.   I finally broke down and took one of my $6 pills... took a hot shower... ate something and it finally began to subside.  Now I'm out of my rediculously expensive but effective drugs... which I'm still not sure what to do about .  BUT... the good news in all of this... is that it went away just in time for Matthew to call me and tell me Him and Seth and other folks were going to the Predators game.  And I was invited. :)  (I know it sounds sad that I'm surprised that I get invited to go places with Matt and his friends... but those who know the situtation can slightly understand why this is a big deal.)  Anyway... long story short Seth, Matt and I ended up buying tickets from a scalper and sitting by ourselves (much to the anger of the other folk in our group... because apparently they had bought TWO tickets and left them at will call... and expected one of us to get a random ticket and just "sit somwhere" around them... no solid seat... just hope there was a random seat around.  Right.  So we bought three tickets by ourselves... they insisted we should have paid for the other two but out arugment was "WE NEVER TOLD YOU TO BUY US TICKETS.... and even so... YOU ONLY BOUGHT 2 AND YOU KNEW THERE WERE GOING TO BE THREE OF US.")  O wait... I was supposed to be giving the short version eh?  Tangent Complete.  So the game was fun.  Seth and I got along just peachy... It wasn't awkward at all... besides Matt not being very "boyfriendy" so Seth didn't feel uncomfortable.  But I didn't really mind all that much.  And Seth told Matt he had fun to.  So that was refreshing.  Atleast now we know if the 3 of us just have to hang out by ourselves... all hell will not break loose.  Contrary to the former belief of the 3rd party.

So yeah... that was fun except I didn't get much sleep that day (see: dabilitating migraine sleep)... and I had to go to work right after the game.  Friday was better though.  Besides the fact that it was Cool Schools... which not only means 2 live shots (3 at 6am cause of bloomberg in NY) but I had to do traffic again.  Traffic Chick (Debbie) was a little more helpful that day.  OK, I guess she was a lot more helpful in comparison to Thursday... but it still sucked.  Then I went and worked out.  Which was exhausting.  BUT I went to sleep for a couple hours... then Matt came over and we went to the mall.  

I stopped by American Eagle to use my $20 off thing... and I promise I'm not gonna make this the long version... I'm just gonna say that there is a new manager there and he was very rude to me.  Acting as if I didn't deserve my discount (which considering I haven't worked there since Christmas... he's probably right) BUT... I was still on the payroll and I simply said "if I am... awesome... if not...that's fine too." But he was just really rude about it.  They have a floor set this week but for some reason I don't think they're gonna call me.  I don't really care though. Mainly cause I went to AERIE (AE underwear store) and used my $20 coupon there... and they were actually doing the floor set right then and when they asked me where I worked I told them I do floor sets sometimes... and they asked if I wanted to help them out.  I said sure.  More on that in a minute...

So as we were leaving Matt  says singingly "my girlfriend works at the underwear store... my girlfriend works at the underwear store......  Now you just need to upgrade to Victoria's Secret!"  Yeah... that's my boyfriend.  So then we spent way to much money at Sbarro for food that ended up making me very sick.  I don't want to talk about it.  Then it was a little sleep and back to work. 

I ran 6 miles yesterday.  woop.

Then I tried to go back to sleep cause I told AERIE I would be there at 5... but it was hopeless so I ended up watching a little One Tree Hill and heading in around 4.  They told me I could only stay for 5 hours (budget stuff)... but of course they ended up asking me to stay and walk the deposit (since I was the only non-minor! ha!) so I didn't end up getting off till after 10!! Which sorta made me mad cause the whole reason I went in early was so I could get off earlier and get home and get some sleep before work.  blah.   So I've running on about 4 hours of sleep right now.  I'm fine... but I won't be later tonight after Barber Family Dinner.  But they're pretty used to me falling to sleep mid-conversation and grunting at anyone who tries to get me off the couch and upstairs to Matt's room.  Matt usually just leaves me there... atleast until his dad makes him wake me up. haha

Have I mentioned that I love Matt's family??  They're the best boyfriends family I've had in a while.  They all get along... for the most part... and they're just genuinely cool people.  His brother (Luke) is kinda a Dick (litterally... his first name is Richard!)... and his girlfriend (Laura) is pretty much one of the most annoying individuals I've ever had the un-pleasure of knowing... but whatever.  His parents are cool... and his grandparents are cool too... and rich.  Not that I really know... but Matt said GerGer was probably going to help him buy his first house when he moves out.  word.

So yeah... today I'm gonna get off and go run (hopefull... if I don't pass out from exhaustion first).  Then shower and pack and get Matt food and go eat with him at work.  Then I'm going to the baseball game with Meredith.  I know... a blast from the past. haha.  But her boyfriend is on the team... and I promised her I would go to some games with her and I'm interested to see how the new stadium looks.  And to be honest Nathan and I text sometimes now... just to check up on each other.  And it seems like we might actually be able to be friends.  Who knows.  It's a incident by incident thing.  Sometimes I genuinely enjoy the quick "hey how are you... hows the fam" thing... but sometimes he takes it too far.  But I usually juse quit texting then.  Matt knows.  And I don't think he likes it.  But I simply told him that I never say anythng I wouldn't care if he read right after I sent it... and he seemed satisfied with that.  My relationship with my EXs has always been a mystery to people.. and I though Nathan was going to be an exception... but hopefully he'll become the rule.  (which in essence my relationships with my EXs by themselves are the exception to the rule... but o well).

I'm getting tired now.

Upcoming Events:

Today: 
   - Work Out - After work.
   - Lunch with Matthew - Whenever I get there.
   - Baseball Game -  1pm
   - Nap Time - TBD... If I can make Matt lay down with me when we get home.
   - Academy Awards Viewing (if I'm awake) - 6pm
   - Barber Family Dinner  - will be scheduled for 7:30... will be served at 9:00.
   - SLEEP

Tomorrow:
   - SLEEP/READ
   - Lunch with BEV?!? that would be awesome... I need to call her!
   - Matt will be in class all day... so I'll either go shopping and buy thing I don't need... or maybe go to 821 and see the girls.
    - Dinner with Matt - After his class... hang out time.
    - SLEEP

Tuesday:
    - SLEEP/READ
    - Try to sleep more... cause I won't get any other chance to cause..
    - Dinner at Ger Ger's - TBD... probably around 7
    - Work - 11:30

Saturday:
    - Long Run... maybe with Kristin?
    - See Lauren as much as possible!
    - Step Show!
    - Go out with LR and Crate... and Matthew... and whoever else gets their butts out on the town!!!!

Sunday:
    - Regret going out with LR and Crate.. and whoever else. ;)
    - Day off... do whatever.  Take Matthew Lunch...

 The NEXT Weeekend:
    - Leave Friday and head to East TN!
    - Spend the weekend at a Chalet with the girls...
    - Come back Monday?  Stay in Knoxville for a day and then come back?
  

Future Events:
     - TBD - Mom's Retirement Party
     - April 5/6th - Mallory's Bachelorette Party, Shower, Luncheon
     - April 24th - Martha's Wedding in Knoxville
     - April 25th - Music City Half Marathon
     - May? - Kayla's Wedding (if I get an invite. :-/) in Knoxville
     - May 16th - Mallory's Wedding in West TN
     - October 17th - Brittany's Wedding in Knoxville
     - Life... TBD

Tangent Complete.

*TIFF*

Taylor Swift Has Experienced My Nightmare...
And the Dream I Wish Will One Day Come True...

Friday, January 23, 2009 

While I was in LA, my mom re-arranged my bathroom. That's probably my longest blog title yet, so if you weren't able to experience the whole thing because it cut the last part off (due to being so long)... It said "While I was in LA, my mom re-arranged my bathroom". As you can imagine, my bathroom looks different now. When I left for LA, my way of storing all of my make up and hair products was to pile it all on my bathroom counter. Most of it was grouped together in a very organized system (the pile). That's not to say the system was not flawed. There was one tiny, insignificant recurring problem.. If you pulled one thing out of the middle of the pile, it would create a giant avalanche of lip gloss and eye shadow and other various cosmetics (sometimes a container of powder, which was undoubtedly left halfway closed-- SO much fun to clean up!). I was fine with my system. 17% of the time, it worked perfectly without disastrous results. I wasn't going to complain about it because whining isn't really my thing, and I didn't have time to create another system (this takes planning and brainstorming!). So my bathroom has stayed the same terrible mess of piled up beauty products for two years.. while I traveled the world with the sad, unorganized state of my bathroom perpetually weighing in the the back of my conscience. Then suddenly... EVERYTHING changed. I came back from LA and discovered a whole new world. My bathroom is now a magical, wondrous place with cabinets for storing make up and hooks on the door for holding scarves. There are even drawers for my hair brushes and incredible little shelves for my towels! There's a new shower curtain in place of the one I've had since 7th grade (the one that has always secretly creeped me out a little, because it's all these people standing around and it really looks like they're watching me. Which was weird. I never liked them, and I'm glad they're gone.) There are little windows in one of the dressers, and through it, I can see the candles I used to have stashed randomly on the counter. Now they have their perfect little home, all gathered together in their tiny, organized sanctuary. But then I turned around and was startled by something... Where was my Britney Spears poster.... No, this can't be right... WHERE is it?!? I searched the room frantically for a few seconds before finding it's new spot. My Britney Spears poster (from 6th grade) had been relocated to my bedroom, which is another AMAZING upgrade. This way, I see it more often and it more proudly displays my unwavering devotion to Britney Spears. My jewelry has been neatly placed into these little jewelry containers that separate your necklaces so they don't get tangled into a huge unrecognizable, mangled ball that is IMPOSSIBLE to untangle. That used to happen to me all the time, but NOW it's preventable! Also, I found so many things that went missing over the years.. The most notable find would have to be my glasses. I couldn't believe it, but there they were! Apparently they had been lost somewhere in the giant pile of cosmetic doom.. I eventually gave up the search after a few weeks. Now they're back! The moral of the story is... My mom is wonderful and we apparently share the same hobby: Compulsively organizing and straightening up around the house whenever we're bored.

So did I ever mention that Alison, Kinsey and I place 2nd in a karaoke contest at Graffiti last week?  Not exactly my most admirable accomplishment... but definitely one I'm proud of. haha.  Our mixing of vocals, interprative dancing, etc. won it for us.  Or almost won it for us.  I think the girls that actually got first had connections with the woman judging the audience applause.  So yeah, we won a pimp happy hour party...

    Which really doesn't equal out to much cause all it is is drink specials on a Friday or Saturday night.. but you have to be there before 10... which is when all the drink specials end anyway.  What I haven't quite figure out is if you get the drink specials ALL night... just just till 10.  Cause that would be a little better.  Also, all the people you bring get the specials.  And they'll reserve a table for you.  Which again, you could probably get at Graffiti before 10 anyway.  But hey... why be Debbie downer about a good thing?   The winners got a $50 bar tab though... which would have been sweet.  But o well.

    So this week has been OK.  I worked alot... and wish I had slept alot.  Yesterday was my first real day of good sleep.  But I had a couple good workout days.  But I also had a few runs that sucked.

     My days off in Murfreesboro were OK.  I was finally granted permission to eat lunch with Matt and Seth.  Mainly because I brought Marla (my old teammate) and Seth thinks she's pretty.  But it was actually really fun.  It's not really that weird around Seth.  Though it probably should be.  Hopefully we'll be able to do it more often cause I don't think he felt weird about it either.

   Speaking of, they may not be going to Las Vegas anymore.  Well, Matt said if anything him and Seth are gonna go by themselves and just pay alot more.  Cause their friend Alex backed out... and Russell may have to back out too if he gets a job, but that's not a definite.  I kinda feel bad for him cause he knew this was gonna happen when they started talking about it, and that's why he just wanted to say no and go somewhere with me.  I don't blame him really.  But when I've already paid the down payment for the Chalet in G-burg... not to mention taken back my full week vacation request.  But I'm still really excited about THAT trip!  I just hope things work out for Matt too.  If not we're just gonna go camping or something the second weekend of Spring Break.

     So today is Valentine's Day.  And though I'm still not a huge fan of the holiday, having someone to celebrate it with has it's ups.  Matt and I are going to Magiano's tonight for dinner.  But get this, even though I told him several times over the last few weeks to call and make a reservation... he didn't call till Monday.  Our reservation is at 10:15pm in Nashville on a Saturday night.  Though I don't mind since my sleeping/eating schedules are so jacked up anyway... it'll be a pain trying to get in and out of downtown.  It's a really cool deal though... it's SUPER nice place... and you get a 5 course meal for 2 for $100.  It's the only thing he's getting me so I think it's ok for him to spend that much. :)  I got him a bunch of little stuff... and I'm making him a dessert he really likes... OH!  And yesterday I made him this and took it to his work for lunch...

       It's a heart shaped pizza!!!!  :)))  It looks disgusting but it tasted pretty good if I do say so myself.  It took me forever to shape it though... so he better have appreciated it. haha  Which I think he did.  And it takes me 30 minutes to get to the Golf Course from my apartment... so the trip in itself was a present too!

     So I'm going home to Knoxville tomorrow.  That should be fun.  My parents bought a new matress for my room at home!  woohoo... no sore neck in the morning!  I don't really have a reason to go besides just to see my parents, but that's always refreshing.

     I have to run 5 miles today.  I started my half-marathon training schedules last week... and it's aleady kicking my butt.  My first week wasn't all that great cause I was really really tired all week for some reason. But this week has been better.  Besides only running 2.5 miles race pace instead of 3 the other day I'm on track.  The 5 miles today will probably be a little rough though.  To be honest, I haven't ran over 4 miles since May.  That's right... MAY.  That's 9 months!!  I kinda want to go out to the cedars of Lebanon to run... but to be honest I'm scared to for 2 reasons. 1) I'll be by myself... and running anywhere through the woods by myself... even on a trail in the middle of the day, scares me.  I work in the media... sue me.  2) I'll be by myself... so when I trip on a root... or a rock... or my own 2 feet and hurt myself... there won't be anyone there to help me... if i'm REALLY hurt.  Which lets face it... could definitely happen.  But the only place for me to run safely around my apartment is on the greenway.  Which, don't get me wrong, is GREAT and I am so blessed to have that so close.  But 5 miles on it would just be misserable for me mentally and physically.

   So I guess I'll just have to figure something else out.  There's a place I could go... that we used to go to sometimes with the team, but I'm not sure if I can find it. :-//

    Anyway, enough about that.  Taylor just got back from Waffle House with my toast.... my tummy hurts. :(  But while eating toast is a good thought.. it probably won't help me one bit, since it's from Grease Goodness Land.

     So whether you're celebrating Valentine's Day... or Singleness Awareness Day... have a good one and spread the love! <3

*TIFF*